


The Things He Lost.

by Supraspinatus



Series: Secrets [1]
Category: Ghost Hunt
Genre: Back Story for "Forbidden Pastime", Brother!Monk, Gen, SubstituteSister!Mai
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-02
Updated: 2012-07-02
Packaged: 2017-11-09 00:00:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/449002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Supraspinatus/pseuds/Supraspinatus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Monk used to live in a monastery, he used to see spirits, and no one knows but he used to have a sister.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things He Lost.

1st August, 1997

Finished.

I sigh and straighten, stretching my aching back. _Finally, the last of this stupid packing is done!_ As I stand I cast a final glance around the tatami-ed room, eyes racking across the small alter in the corner, the shamisen against the wall and the futon on the floor, checking once and for all that I have everything I need to return to life at the monastery at Mount Koya not far from my family’s temple. I am only 6 months from becoming fully ordained as one of the best exorcists they have seen in years.

My mother has been ill recently; nothing serious but enough that the monks had allowed me a break from my studies. My eyes stop on a slim box hiding underneath the futon and once again like every time I leave this place; a wistful sigh escapes from my lips. I know I will never be able to bring them, no matter how tempting it may be. Such small things... in any other home they would not even raise an eye brow, after all what teenage boy wouldn’t own a few... but here, in this temple and especially on at Mount Koya, they would not be tolerated.

My hands waver and glancing around to check that no one was about I reach, under the woollen blanket, beneath the tatami to pull out... three CD’s. The covers are slightly damaged, salvaged from charity stores with the pittance I had managed to save, but to me the dings and scratches just embellished the magnificence that the disks represented. The songs, they are nothing like the stuffy traditional hymns my mother forces me to play each night on my shamisen. The bands, Orange Range, Gazette, L’arc en Ceil. The rock music they each play always seems to call to me to a different world, one beyond the strict traditional rule of my monastic life style. I ache to listen to them one last time, to pull out the small walkman hidden beneath the tatami mats. My hand reaches out, feeling for the crack in the woven flooring-

A noise catches my attention. Pattering of small feet on hard flooring. I whip around frantically shoving the disks back into their hiding place and attempting to assume some semblance of a casual pose.

A giggle is all I hear before a force impacts with my back and small arms wrap tightly around my waist.

“Houshou-nii, you love me don’t you~?”

Kaede, my little sister is clinging tightly as she smiles up at me, eyes wide and watery as she puts on her best face for wheedling. I smile back and lift her up, wrapping my arms protectively around her 9 year old frame. My brown eyes light up at the sight of her. She is beautiful, the spitting image of our mother. Her hair is brown parted at the centre and drawn into pig tails that curl softly around her babyish face. Eyes, the same warm brown as my own twinkle up at me, softly reflecting the light cast by the large window to my left. 

“Of course I do, Imouto!” I call, squeezing her tightly against my chest. “You are soooo adorable, if we weren’t related I’d marry you right now!!!”

“Nii-chan! You’re crushing me!!” she yells, pushing against my grip and gasping for breath once my arms loosen. ”If you love me so much Onii-chan, then why won’t you teach me the sutras!,” she whined, her lips drawing together into her best puppy dog face. “ I wanna go an’ kick some spirit butt!” 

I sighed. She had been nagging me since I had arrived, desperate to feel a part of her doting brothers world, to somehow help to protect me the way I protect her. What I haven’t been able to get through to her is that I can’t teach her. The knowledge the monks have gifted me with is closely guarded, and forbidden for girls to learn. Not that a little girl like her cares.

“Nah-ah-ah, Kaede!,” I reply brightly, trying to distract her with my jovial tone “You can’t learn the sutras cos you’re not nearly as cool and important and handsome as your amazing nii-san! And anyway, you can’t even see ghosts like I can ! How would you know which way to kick?”

“Pleeeeeeease~” she cries pout out in full force now in a desperate no holds barred effort to change my mind.

“No Kaede, you are a little girl, not a monk, and cannot see spirits!” I said firmly, her nagging finally getting to me. “You cannot use the sutras and I will not teach them to you so stop asking! Just focus on being a girl!”

She shrinks back from me hurt, tears welling up into the corners of her eyes and lips quivering in the face of my refusal. A sob escapes her throat and she tears herself from my arms and hurries out of the room.

“Wait! Kaede!” I call out but she has already gone. “I didn’t...” I call softly as shame wells up in my chest, knowing she will not hear me “I didn’t mean to yell...”

GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH

4th August 1997, Morning

I walk steadily, movements fluid as the mantras slide unconsciously from my lips. The meditation is simple, routine now after so many years of study. The ritualistic daily pacing of the monks has almost worn a groove into the cobbles of the courtyard which lies beside the temples pagoda. Usually the meditation helps me clear my mind, empty his thoughts and gain help to gain the calm detachment sought after by all Buddhists but Today, only three days after I returned from my family’s shrine, I am unable to still my thoughts.

“ _I didn’t mean to yell..._ ”

Shame swells as the memory surfaces, regret lapping at my mind like waves on a beach. I never got to apologize to Kaede before I had to leave.

“ _Just focus on being a girl!_ ”

I sigh and shove the thoughts away, focusing instead on the mantra.

“ _Naumaku, sanmanda,bazaradan kan..._ ”

GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH

The monastery at Mount Koya was ancient having stood for over 1000 years. Located in Wakayama prefecture in Osaka, there is no one mountain that is named Koya, but instead a group of eight whose terrain is said to resemble a lotus flower. It is a centre for learning, for prayer, and above all for tranquil calm.

Recently however the ghosts of the Okunoin, the largest cemetery in Japan, located on the mountain have become restless. At first it was just a slight chill to be found near the graves, then a fine mist, then a fog and finally the apparitions.

The monks knew what it was. They know.

The full moon approached it will only get worse.

GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH

I am running. Heart racing, breathe gasping. The echoing slap of my sandals against the cobblestones rings around me as I rush towards the Okunoin.

The alarm has been sounded, all the monks gather in the shadow of the towering pagoda. I arrive with the other adepts, waiting for a master to direct us against the rallying spirits. You can hear them from where we stand. They howl, they scream, they cry, liberated from their graves by the light of the full moon, a time of intense spiritual strengthening.

“Dedicates, the time has come for your “initiation of fire” as it were. Keep your wits about you and do not become isolated. Turn to the Vinaya and we will succeed.”

We go. We run, Heading out through the mists towards the tombs. The cemetery was famous, the largest in all of Japan, a fact which brought prestige and honour to our temple but right now, that only served to mean more danger, more fear, more ghosts.

The moon hangs low and pregnant, its sinister light casting demons from shadows as I dodge through the moss covered mounds and stone monuments. I can see the ghosts now, their eerie lights shimmering in my blessed vision, unearthly howling ringing in my ears. They sense me, the pure glow of my spirit, of my Sight, a beacon to the twisted spirits before me.

I begin the chant, so well known, so engrained in my spirit after all this time on the mountain, knowledge taught to me by my master and his before him.

“ _Naumaku, sanmanda, bazarad-_ ”

“Houshou-nii!!”

I suck in a choking breath, eyes wide as I spin, _No, it can’t be! She can’t have-_

Kaede!

She is here, Clambering across the graves. She can’t See. She can’t see the ghosts who turn towards her, her innocence of spirit drawing them like moths to a flame.

“Houshou-nii,” she smiles, “why are the bells ringing? Why are you all among the graves? There is nothing here?” she is getting closer, eyes bright with excitement. 

I can’t breathe, I’m panicking. My mind is screaming. _How is she here? Why is she here? Not safe not safe NOT SAFE!_

“Kaede! What are you doing here! Go home to the temple!”

She smiles, only thirty metres from me now. 

“Is there a spirit here?” she asks, her eyes lighting up with childish excitement, “We’ll get it together Onii-chan! I’ll help you!!! I’m gonna help my big brother kick some serious spiritual bu-“

Her voice cuts off as her face morphs, eyes widening. Her body freezes as she passed through one of the apparitions. Time seems to freeze, the body of my dear sister forever falling, eyes wide, jaw slacked, a characterture of stunned horror.

Then she falls. 

_Kaede..._

“NO, KAEDE!!”

She stumbles, her tiny body falling gracelessly towards the ground.

I try to get to her before she hits. To catch her, stop her, hold her close so she could never be hurt. 

The ghosts are gathering, blocking the path to Kaede, my baby sister. My heart swells, filling with emotion. _She’s gone, my fault, No, Kaede._ Anger regret blame, they swell within my chest as I gather my strength, every ounce of power that I possess, will ever possess and cast it into one chant, anything to get to her...

“NAUMAKU, SANMANDA, BUZARADAN KAN!!!!!!”

My breathe, my voice, it surges out of me, like a shockwave after a nuclear detonation, clearing every spirit from my path. It expands, sweeping outward in a circle before coming back to echo in the empty hollow that was my chest. 

I am kneeling hard on the ground all the energy I had possessed gone now leaving a shattered empty shell.

_She’s gone, she can’t be, no..._

I rise, I ran, hurrying towards the crumple form that was my dear sister. The ghosts are gone, or they are not. _It doesn’t matter can’t see them now. Only her, Kaede..._

I’m there, she’s cold. I gathered her up, her body limp, eyes glassy and staring soft lips still parted in a scream the world would never hear.

“NO, Kaede-chan! Please! Wake up! Wake up!” I cry, eyes stinging as tears well up, “ Kaede, you have to wake up so I can teach you! I’m gonna show you everything and you’re gonna be the best exorcist ever, PLEASE!”

But only the cries and scuffles of the other monks, fighting the foe I cannot see meets my ears.

She is silent. She is gone.

GHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGH

January, 2006. Nine years later.

I left the mountain. I couldn’t stand it there. I tell everyone its because they wouldn’t let me take my CD’s but it’s not, that’s a lie.

It’s her. Her memory lingers. Everything I see just drags them up, running through the temples as children, laughing behind the kitchen as we hid from mum after stealing one too many cakes, everything. Just everything.

So I left. It’s not like they were too disappointed. I lost my Sight, most of my power too. Used up, only a trickle left now. I’m still a powerful exorcist, but... not like before. 

In my grief I left, the monk coming down from the mountain, anything to forget her. _Kaede..._

I grew my hair, pierced my ears, traded shamisen for guitar and joined a band. Sure I still did some exorcisms on the side, even joined the SPR after a while but for the most part I left the mountain behind me.

But still,

There’s a girl... Mai, she looks so similar, only a year or two older than my Kaede was. So alike, her hair is just a touch darker and straight but her temperament is just the same, The same kindness, the same bright innocence. So alike...I know she is not my sister but I treat her just the same. Teasing kindness and brotherly hugs that squeeze the life out of her, at least till the crazy woman hits me with her devil purse.

But now... now she has come to me, asking just like Kaede did.

“Hey that reminds me... Monk do you think you can teach me some warding magic?”

I freeze, my heart stops. So alike... the moments over lap for a moment as a cross road lays before me. I don’t know what to do, I hear myself speaking, I don’t know what I’m saying, my mind is locked in the past.

_I shouldn’t..._ calls a piece of me, _she is a girl, it’s not right, she shouldn’t be fighting demons she cannot see._

_She can see!_ Cries a small voice, getting louder, _and they come for her anyway, remember the well! What about the one that was strangling her? Think of the sewer! If Naru wasn’t there we would have lost her! Would you leave her unprotected??_

I can hear her replying to an unheard question.

“Well, I ... uh... thought I could be of some help to you guys...”

_... I’ll help you!!! I’m gonna help my big brother!..._

Mind made up. Decision made. I will not make the same mistake again.

“Hands like this....”


End file.
